Tuesday, November 22, 2011

STFU


I mentioned in an earlier post that women are always trying to voice their opinion or curse they man out. Sometimes you just need to shut up. Now I can't speak for people already in relationships, because I would know. But when your "the main chick" or your just "talking to someone heavy" sometimes its best to just be quiet sometimes and go with the flow. You can't force a man to do anything he doesn't want to do. If a guy wants to take you to the next level you'll know. But sometimes your insecurities can block out that fact. So you start getting upset, wanting to have that dreaded "What are we doing?" talk. In my experience this talk messes up EVERYTHING & no guy ever wants to have this talk. If things are fine the way they are and you both seem happy, just chill out and go with the flow. But once you start snapping out while your still "talking" he may not wanna pursue a relationship with you if he knows THAT is what he is gonna have to deal with. Im not saying be a total push over and just let a guy get comfortable but wanting to have deep ass "where is this going" conversations all the time are not gonna work in your advantage. TRUST ME. Recently my Mr. Yeah has popped his head in on my life. This time around I've just been chillin, being happy and enjoying his company. I'm confused on a few things like why I'm referred to ass and introduced as his "girl" but yet we haven't really established if we are in a relationship or not yet...... BUT I've decided to shut my ass up. Nothing is wrong right now, so why bring the extra tension? Imma just sit back and relax and see what happens. I'm actually much happier that way.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Stroke that Ego

Guys are so full of contradictions. I recently read a blog written by a young man entitled Bum Joints Is Winning (Click on the link to read the blog.) When i read this i was really confused. Im like hold up..... so a woman who has to much going for herself is scary? To me it kind of sounds like insecurity. then I sat and thought about a conversation I had with a guy who no longer wanted to date black women he said and I quote "Black girls have way to much to say, I don't wanna hear all that shit." I laughed. If I were a man basher, which I'm not, this would be the point were I would go on a rampage about how real men can handle real women with opinions, who speak their mind, who are independent, and let you know how they feel they should be treated; but I'm not. Instead I'm going to agree, WOMEN not just black women talk to much smack. We can never just go with the flow. Men don't like extra shit, but women are all about it the extra. Men are the most insecure of the sexes. They just show their insecurities differently than women do. A man's role in the relationship TRADITIONALLY is to be the provider and protector. But what if the woman he's interested in doesn't NEED to be protected or provided for? That man will then feel like less than a man being with you. Men that truly want to be with you, want to be needed not WANTED; NEEDED. That's how most men are brought up, to be tough, to be able to handle everything. They complain about "saving these hos" but in reality want to find a damsel in distress that he can save from whatever trouble she's in. So what do we strong, independent, confused women do? FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT. like we do a lot of things in life. I'm not saying dumb yourself down... but in a sense..... dumb yourself down. You have to make your man feel like a man. When he feels like one then he'll act like one. Be a woman, be feminine. You can be independent without being dominating. Yes, men like to chase but they don't like to work to hard. Confusing right? I don't get it either. You can't be to easy, but your can't be to hard either.... because they're insecure. You ever wonder why a guy is always with the crazy chick that he claims gets on his last nerve? because he likes the attention. If your out being independent not needing a man fake not caring if he calls you or not he'll be out chatting up some girl that's giving him all the attention. I've figured out that stroking that ego and that penis are to things that are essential in keeping a man happy. You may not like it, but that's how it is. get with it or be at home with your ice cream and Real House Wives.

Dating, Talking, and in a Relationship

An older lady I take care of asks me every time I go into work, "Why aint chue married girl?! Your 22 now right? Where's your boyfriend? Why don't you have one?" I couldn't imagine living in her old ass world where if your weren't barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen waiting for your husband to come home by the age of 25 your were an "old maid" I don't even think people my age date to marry anymore. What would you even consider "dating" these days. Its not like the 60's when on Friday night your date would come to your house, ring the doorbell, you all would go to a drive-in and then he would take you home and just based off of that one date you guys were officially "dating" So how do you know when your dating someone in this day and age? At what point from you and another person meeting do you all consider yourselves dating? When does it become more serious than dating? When are you considered "in a relationship"? When its facebook official? (I wouldn't know because the last time I had a boyfriend I didn't even have a college email to get into facebook.) I want to try and understand the different phases in a relationship on "young people terms" just based on what I've seen and experienced, but please I'm no expert. I actually have no clue what I'm talking about so don't take what I'm saying to literal.


Cool.

This is a person you either just met or have a "flirtationship" with. This is a person you don't talk to often. It never really goes farther than a few text messages, a few @'s or DM's on twitter, or a couple laughs in a class or club your in together. Its usually all harmless you never even know if that person is genuinely interested or they just like to randomly have conversation.


Friends.

This is someone you talk to more that usual but you still haven't established if you want to date them yet. You have friendly conversations about things you have in common, or you may do homework together or have a lunch or to sometimes when your both trying to kill time in between classes. If your a smoker, you may have a few sessions or pre game together. Its never goes to much farther than that. at this moment is when you decide if you want this person in the friend zone or if your gonna let them go a little farther.


Dating.

At this point in time you are strictly having having conversations just to see if you all would work out together. Not all people go through the Cool or Friends process. You can meet a person and they already know they want to date you. You go out on dates, have those late night phone/skype/text convos all to see how you and this person would work out.


Talking.

Now this is were it gets confusing. Some people may ask; "What's the difference between dating and talking?" Dating is innocent, Talking is filled with lust, fornication, and confusion. Talking is like dating and being in a relationship all mixed in together. When you talk to someone, you get all the relationship benefits but none of the relationship responsibilities. This is were people get confused, they think just because they are reaping all the benefits of a relationship that the responsibilities are just expected to follow. WRONG. To fully explain this phase I would need to write a whole other blog. (which I will)


Relationship.

Um, I have no idea what this consists of so.... ask someone with a boyfriend.


Of course there are other things that attach to this. The one night stand, the friends with benifits, the jump-off you just have sex with but, I don't wish to get in to deep with those maybe another time.

Mr. Yeah

If you have never heard The Dream's "Mr. Yeah" then I'm sure your a bit confused about the title. Mr. Yeah is the guy you ALWAYS go back to when things aren't working out anywhere else. He could be a friend, a friend with benefits, or an ex. Some guy you had some sort of previous "relationship" with. You could not talk to this guy for months at a time, but some how he is conveniently right there right when you need him. Whether it be just to talk, to get away, or to get put down the right way, he is right on time. Why do guys like Mr. Yeah exists? Comfort and reliability. Getting to know new people is a pain. You have to put time and energy into getting to know someone new; but what if you don't have time or energy? Your Mr. Yeah knows you. He knows exactly what you like, and he knows exactly what you want to hear at any given moment in time. Who has time to play the games that dating brings. Should I call him? what should I text back? Whats does he think of me? How far should I let him go? blah blah blah blah. Mr. Yeah knows what it is and so do you. you would think, "Well if I'm already comfortable with him why can't we just be in a relationship." Mr. Yeah is NOT your boyfriend. I'm not saying he couldn't be your boyfriend one day but while he holds the Mr. Yeah title he's not. Mr. Yeah is that one ex that even though you guys didn't work out, you could still never leave him alone, you would go out and date other guys, but no one ever did it quiet like him. The problem with Mr. yeah is, he knows he's Mr. Yeah. He knows that your ass is gonna be back. You all could go without talking for months even years and one day you'll get that faithful facebook message, or phone call, or text from him and he knows damn well your gonna give him the time of day. Then your right back with this guy you swore up and down you would never talk to again at one point in time. Mr. Yeah is the lonely girls worst nightmare. He will slick talk those panties right off and you'll have no idea what hit you. How do you get rid of Mr. Yeah? I have no clue. If you find out please, let me know.... because mine just called, and he and I both know I'm about to call right back. smh.






Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Social Networks and Dating


I have had a potential relationship begin and end over twitter. How the hell? you may ask, but its that real out here. With things like twitter and facebook people put like there whole lives online because its so easy to do so now. Facebook and twitter will have you caught up. In reality facebook and twitter don't ruin the relationships people and the dumb stuff they post do. If you know for a fact that your dating a girl that's following you on twitter why are you doing dumb stuff like saying inappropriate stuff or "harmlessly" flirting with other girls out on the timeline. You know damn well your shorty can see this. Then act surprised or get upset when she says something to you. Something as simple as a relationship status on facebook can be world war 3. Women love to be claimed. and if your claiming her in private but there is a big deal when putting in a relationship and attaching her name to it she is gonna think there is something up. Even with guys, let his girl send a smiley face or have to many @'s to a nigga he don't know. There gonna be hell to pay. With my last "fling" i had with a guy i was following on twitter we both acted horribly. instead of talking things out things were handled through subtweets. subtweeting is the absolute worst thing ever. Even though it is easy to express your self through a subtweet it is just not the way to get your point across. I think when dealing with relationships and social networks you have to know what is good and not good to post on your page. respect who your dating by not posting things you know will get them upset. and if you must harmlessly flirt be smart anout it and hit the dm or inbox move.

Monday, November 14, 2011

Getting over a lost lover


As we speak I am getting over a "break-up" (Can it be called a break up if you were never together technically?) Well whatever you want to call it a person i spent almost two years investing time, energy, and money into is gone and its been a tough couple weeks. I'm horrible at "break-ups" because I am a people pleaser. The thought of anyone ever being upset with me crushes my soul. Even though this guy was clearly no good. (i may give you the run down in a later post) I can;t stand the fact that I may or may not have done something for him to not to want to be with me anymore. So how have I been dealing with this? Doing homework and drinking till i cant do anything but cry and pass out. Horrible right? I have found a few healthier less dramatic ways to get over a break-up.

Stay Busy.
Find things to do. Get a hobby. Join a club. Go to the gym. Write. Paint. Do something that keeps you busy and makes you feel accomplished and proud of yourself. You'll be to busy doing whatever your doing to think about it, and once your done you can look at it and be proud. I am a mass comm/TV Radio major and have found myself being totally involved with things in school. putting sets together, writing scripts, filming editing anything to keep my mind off the fact that this boy is gone.

Have a good cry.
I think having one good cry is good. Keeping things bottled in and acting like nothing is wrong can lead to you just having a nervous break down. Let it out. Its okay to be sad.

Be around friends.
Locking yourself in your room with a bottle of tequila listening to Adele is okay at first but after awhile your gonna feel like crap. Be with people who love you and make you happy. get together with your girls and have a movie night or go out to bar and have fun. Being surrounded by happy people will make you happy. Simple as that.

Get yourself together
After your dealings with a person have ended evaluate yourself and the situation. Take time to better yourself and to heal so you won't be as damaged when the next guy comes around. (because there will be another one to come around) Get yourself together. Make sure all your ducks are in a row. Learn to be comfortable alone. And for those extra horny lonely nights, get you a nice toy, but your fingers can do just as well. Trust me ;)

Meet new people.
Easiest way to get over a guy is to get under another one. I not saying go out and hop in the bed with some guy, but get out and meet new people. There are billions of people in the world. Get your ass out the house. Go do some stuff. Shake some hands. Flash some smiles. Bat some eye lashes.

Im sure there are like relationships experts that have 500 more ways to get over these type of situations but this is what I've been doing. and its been working. while I'm not 100 percent over it, Im doing pretty darn good.



Titles mean being saved?

In my introduction I stated the fact that I have been single for four years. Even though this is fact I have been the main chick a few times. I don't think anything is worse than being the main chick. With being the main chick you get certain girlfriend benefits but you still have to stay in your lane. When your the main chick it is understood that your the main chick but since there is no title your guy feels he has the right to do whatever with who ever and you can't say anything in disagreement or you are steering out of your lane. This is the most annoying thing ever. Why do men expect girl's they are "talking to heavy" to play a wifey roll? Why if i want anything exclusive I am asking to be saved? I am in college, so i usually date guys in college. What are you saving me from? Class? Homework? Tests? Boredom? Horniness? (yes, horniness) In my personal experience I am either doing better than or on the same playing field in life than most of the guys I've dated, why? because we are doing the same thing, and have the same goal. to graduated and get a damn job. I am not the type of girl that puts guys down because they aren't were they want to be in life because I'm not either, but don't expect me to jump through flaming hoops when your not doing anything but serving up hard penis a couple nights a week. as one of my twitter followers said "Don't ask me what I'm bringing to the table when I brought the damn table." On the other side, why is the girlfriend title so important? What is so special about being claimed to women? I cant speak for all women but to me I think it's just the simple fact that a man is proud enough to put claim down on his woman makes us feel special. Its kinda like a power trip, with the title that man is mine. These other woman have no right to him and EVERYONE knows it. When we're hidden away its almost disrespectful. Why am I being hidden? Whats wrong with me? What should I do different? Who else is he messing with? Whats really going on here? Does he even like me for real? to guys reading this I know you think I sound crazy but with me and many of the girls I know these are the questions we ask ourselves. I personally always think guys are up to something, or in other words I don't trust ya'll hos. I may not show it, and most guys I date never really know of my suspicions, but they are there and I'm usually right. Why do you guys think women are spies or one day we just spazz out and you have no idea why? Cuz we don't trust ya'll hos. I have figured out that this is in fact the problem. Women can never just go with the flow. We have to know the next move, we have to know what your thinking, we have to know what situation we are in. why? because we want to be perfect, we want nurture and serve you, we want to be your woman, and if we're cooking, cleaning, getting our hair and nails done, keeping ourselves up we expect our man to at least appreciate it enough to claim us and make us THE ONLY ONE not just the main joint.